Only way that I can do
by Fish-balls
Summary: As Shizuru misunderstands Natsuki, she tries to move on and forget by singing. Natsuki being the brunette's secret composer she conveys her feelings through her compositions, the only way to confess. Will she be able to confess before the other gives up?
1. The thing I could only do

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mai HiME/ Mai Otome neither it's characters!! They were owned by Sunrise! XD And also the Songs used below.**

**A/U: Oh!! Thank you in advance to those reviews in 'breaking the ice' it energizes me, believe it or not! =D (I'll acknowledge the reviewers in the other story)**

**By the way, since this idea runs into my mind for how many days, I need to type it before it goes away! XD. Geez, I should be completing first the other one. =3, other than that, this story will just be my treat for you, since it was my birthday yesterday!! Happy birthday to me! yay! Hehe! I hope you enjoy.**

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**Chapter 1**

'_Reminiscing fantasies, processing dreams…'_

"Shizuru-san! We'll give you a 30 minute break, then I'll give you the new piece you'll sing."

I nodded and strolled back to my room, atleast to sit, relax and enjoy the silence around me.

But then the thought of someone traveled to my mind, I wonder… when was the last time I saw _her?_

**-Flashback-**

Two figures were sitting under a big tree near the school gardens. It was already summer that time.

"Na-tsu-ki…" a woman's seductive voice from behind purred into the blunette's ears which made her blush madly

"Shi-Shizuru! Stop that!" she yelped as she tried to stand up, but stopped by the brunette's tight hug.

"Mou, Ikezu, I'm just trying to break Natsuki in her line of thoughts. Now she's going to leave me?"

"…." The blunette had no reply, but to alteast go back to her deep thoughts, she's thinking of something, something she wanted to do, yet, in other way.

'_Natsuki's thinking of something…maybe I should let her go?' _Shizuru thought, and she did what exactly her mind says. The brunette broke her hug from Natsuki, which made the blunette look at her softly.

"Since Natsuki was busy in her thoughts…I don't want to disturb her anymore" She smiled as she say the words to Natsuki, the smile which was only for her.

"Shizuru…" was the only thing that Natsuki could say. The brunette had the chance to stare at Natsuki for awhile; sure she didn't want to lose the chance from seeing her face, yet to confess for the second time.

"Natsuki…I love you" the brunette stated, not mentioning she had her pink tint on her cheeks.

"…" Natsuki in return, blushed, but shook it off at the same time, she turn around again, facing her back to Shizuru, and stared into nothing.

"Natsuki…" all she know was she was rejected again; all she thought is that Natsuki can't love her the way she wanted, the way she dreamt of. Natsuki stood up, that time the brunette never stopped her, she look down the to girl and smiled, but Shizuru didn't look at her, _she didn't want to_..

"I need to go, Shizuru, I have to do something else…Take care of yourself."

The brunette nodded as an answer, getting assured to her nod, Natsuki made her way to her Ducati, leaving the lonely Shizuru behind. Natsuki will do _something_ else, something different, but in exchange, she needs to leave Shizuru not knowing her reason. This pains Natsuki to do.

Shizuru didn't know what will happen next, she returned to her home and locked herself into the room. She changed cloths silently, no radio or TVs open, after that she stared into the window and reminisced all what happened. A sudden burst of tears came, she wanted to believe this was just a nightmare, but she can't, It really hurts

"I guess fantasies were just really part of a child's tales…" she murmured to herself as she closed the windows and flopped back down to her bed "there will be no happy ever after for me.."

It was the last time when they saw each other, Natsuki left without knowing, and Shizuru tried to move on by singing, which gradually made her one of the best singers around japan. She tried to forget the blunette, but the more she tried to, the more it draws her love to go strong for Natsuki.

-**end of flashback**-

I love her, yet she didn't love me like I do, until now…

I stood up and shook my head to release the thoughts of Natsuki, for the mean time, my thoughts wandered about the new composer of my songs, Reito, my manager and at the same time close friend said her screen name was 'Dylan', _her_, it means girl.

He didn't bother to describe what does the composer look like, he said that the reason the composer had her screen name was to hide her appearance and personality, but he did saw her. I got curious about that so I asked.

"Will I see the composer too?"

He slowly shook his head to me but still smiling, "Im sorry Shizuru, but Dylan didn't want to go in here, she'll just send her compositions to us with the help of our messenger. But, she did love to hear your voice" he added.

"How did you saw her then?" I asked again, I wanted to protest, still, people have their own rules.

"She came to me at my office last time, you weren't around their actually"

I nodded, I missed the chance to interact with my composer, and her mysteriousness interests me.

The 30 minute break was finished and I was ordered to go inside the studio and study the piece...Listen and study that girl's composition.

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I know I left her without telling anything,

I didn't talked to her and see her after that,

I didn't even give her phone calls just like I do in the past.

This pain should be endured for the mean time…being away with the one you love really hurts right? Especially when you know that she haven't noticed what you feel for her, because you're acting dumb.

I was planning to confess that time when she hugged me from the back, yet, confessing in the way she did is another thing I couldn't do. Look in to her beautiful eyes, or watch her honey colored hair sway along with the rushing wind then say 'I love you' too.

The only way I could find is 'music'…

Be a composer and compose songs dedicated for her, or in some ways the feeling she had been through while Im not with her. Im actually dreaming about her for myself, so selfish didn't I? I submitted my first composition to Reito, he's the only one who knows my identity, I told him not to tell anyone especially Shizuru.

In return, he won't pay for my compositions or whatsoever, just let Shizuru sing my songs, with her soft, calming voice. Well, my first composition was about her and me, I was thinking maybe she gave up on loving me, maybe she got too tired of waiting. Every time I watch her at the television, the 'Shizuru fan girl' named 'Tomoe' was with her, declaring they were so close to each other, yeah close to each other, she was actually holding Shizuru's hands…

It pains my chest like I was stabbed continuously directly at my heart…I should be the one holding her hands…_right?_

I closed the television because of annoyance, returned to my worksheet and decided to continue my compositions; I tuned up my guitar and started to bond with music.

* * *

A stunned expression covered my face as I read its lyrics, was this making fun of me? Reading every word, every sentence, makes my heart heavy, was this composer feels the way I'm feeling too? My thought was cut off by my producer.

"Okay Shizuru-san standby." He said as he prepare the music, I wear my headphones, and concentrated to the melody, this will be my 'life's song'.

The music played and I started to sing.

_**I haven't slept at all in days  
It's been so long since we've talked  
And I have been here many times  
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong**_

My heart pounded so fast as I state the first stanza, and it almost struck me so hard when I spoke the next stanza which was also the chorus of the song.

_**What can I do to make you love me  
What can I do to make you care **_

_**What can I say to make you feel this  
What can I do to get you there**_

Tears were gathering at the side my eyes, but it didn't fall. I have to stop it.

_**There's only so much I can take  
And I just got to let it go  
And who knows I might feel better  
If I don't try and I don't hope**_

Yes, maybe I should let go, but I won't feel better if I lose Natsuki. I finished the following stanzas, not bothering the tears falling to my face, the people outside the recording room. I closed my eyes and let the music go inside me.

_**What can I do to make you love me  
What can I do to make you care  
What can I say to make you feel this  
What can I do to get you there**_

_**No more waiting, No more aching  
No more fighting, No more trying**_

_**Maybe there's nothing more to say  
And in a funny way I'm calm  
Because the power is not mine  
I'm just gonna let it fly**_

_**What can I do to make you love me  
What can I do to make you care  
What can I say to make you feel this  
What can I do to get you there**_

_**Love me..**_

Love me…Natsuki..

I have recorded the song, and it wasn't bad after all, I asked them to put it into my iPod which they did less than 10 minutes. Reito told me to go home and be early tomorrow, then and there, I bid my goodbye to my friends and got home. I changed clothing and played the song. That song…the composer… I wanted to know her. After a few minutes of thinking I drifted into sleep. Tomorrow will be another day, maybe a new song I'll love..

* * *

Reito said they already published the song, so I ran after to the radio and listened to it.

"Now we're down to our top 1, the song was sang by our one and only Shizuru!" his words does irritate me every time they say 'our one and only' geez, why don't they just play the damn song?!

The intro music had started and I froze to my place, listening to every word, every beat, every line. Her voice does make me calm, compared to crappy singers who doesn't know everything but to shout through their lungs.

I fell through her voice, am I hypnotized? I found my self staring at the radio, which I caused myself to blush. I love this feeling, I love her voice, _I love her…_

I felt myself longing for her, I wanted to tell im 'Dylan', I wanted to hug her, feel her warmth…It's so hard without a teasing Shizuru around. This isn't the right time, I'll tell my feelings, through music, I need her word…I need her to call my name once again.

* * *

As usual, going early in the morning just to stick in the studio and wait for others, I went to the bandy clock for an attendance.

Sometimes I think if Natsuki was listening to my songs, if she cared about my fan named Tomoe who was always sticking to me every time I had an autograph schedule outside the recording company, I had to endure the little girl with me, she might 'berserk' i mean have tantrums if I tried to avoid her.

I miss Natsuki…I miss calling her…_Ikezu. _

The door knocked three times before I opened it, oh, the messenger came, he handed me an envelope and told me that inside was my new song, I thanked him, and he bowed his head, but suddenly, before he turned away.

"W-wait!"

The messenger looked at me again, now with a confused look.

"Is Dylan the one who gave this to you?"

He scratched his neck and nodded. "Yes ma'am"

"What does she look like?" I quickly asked, hoping to get my desired answer.

"She told me she had eyes, nose, ears, and every thing you see in humankind."

I got a little annoyed, what an answer. I asked again, there I flashed my eyes a serious look, which made him a little frightened, considering his face had looked odd.

"Ma'am, w-well, honestly, she told me not to tell her identity, gonna go now ma'am I still have something to do" with that, he gulped and went away quickly.

My chance again had failed, why can't that 'Dylan' tell her real identity to us? To me? I'm the one who sings her compositions, yet…she didn't acknowledge me.

Before I turn my day into a bad day, I remembered the envelope the messenger gave before he left. Since it was my new song, I opened it. Again, this composer gave me another surprise, I don't know if it's mocking me or not, but before I saw the lyrics, a small letter was placed inside.

_To: Shizuru Fujino_

_Thank you…I hope you're always fine…I love…your voice_

I said she should atleast acknowledged me, and then after a few seconds, she did just acknowledge me… reading the letter made me atleast feel good, I put down the letter and decided to take a look for the lyrics again.

_**hear the ticking of the clock  
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark  
I wonder where you are tonight  
No answer on the telephone  
And the night goes by so very slow  
Oh I hope that it won't end though  
Alone**_

_**Till now I always got by on my own  
I never really cared until I met you  
And now it chills me to the bone  
How do I get you alone  
How do I get you alone**_

_**You don't know how long I have wanted  
to touch your lips and hold you tight,oh  
You don't know how long I have waited  
and I was going to tell you tonight  
But the secret is still my own  
and my love for you is still unknown  
Alone**_

_**Till now I always got by on my own  
I never really cared until I met you  
And now it chills me to the bone  
How do I get you alone  
How do I get you alone**_

I got speechless; I don't know what to react. Is the composer referring to someone dearest to her? Is Dylan inlove with someone? I got into her words, and it felt like she was talking to me…The person whom she was referring to was so…lucky to have 'Dylan'.

The crew had started to gather and got ready for the recording, I put headphones again, and let the music bind with me… I sang through my heart, made my voice a little higher, just like my producers say, _emphasize…_

_

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I was busy eating when again, the bastard DJ of the radio speaks of Shizuru; her song came into the top for the second time, my composition. I felt happy, happy to know that atleast my compositions were really loved, as well as Shizuru.

But what shocks me most is when I have listened to the DJ's interview with Shizuru.

"Uhm, Shizuru-san, it seems your new songs were incredibly the listener's favorite!! Can you tell us what did you in order to get into top?"

"Ara, actually, I didn't do anything but to sing. Well, maybe because of my composer…Dylan-chan I hope you were listening"

"Oh. Dylan? Weird name, well! Shizuru-san! Do you have any message for that Dylan?"

"Yes, I do have a message. Please Dylan, I wanted to meet you…I want to…"

"Ohohoho, just like what Shizuru-san says, Dylan-chan wherever you are, Shizuru-san wants to meet you! oh well, how about your fans or any other people you wanted to mention?"

"Uhm, I wanted to thank all of you, for supporting my newly released songs, to the fan club named 'Shizuru Addictus', I have received your chocolates, Thank you very much… and…to Kuga…"

"Kuga? Please do continue."

"Kuga Natsuki…I miss you very much, I hope you're listening, I hope you're fine, take care of yourself."

"Whew, Shizuru-san, could you tell us about this 'Kuga Natsuki?"

Hearing Shizuru's message for me made my body melt, I couldn't help to blush, I know all the listener doesn't know who am I! yet…She's just…just so sweet. I couldn't stop listening to her.

"Ara, ara, DJ-san it's too personal to talk about, and if only she's here, you'll see her blush mad. So kawaii~"

"Oh, I see Shizuru-san, I wont invade your personal matters! And Arigato!! Surely all you fans will be supporting you along the way! Especially me! haha!"

"Ookini, DJ-san."

"You're welcome Shizuru-san! Arigato! So, my fellow listeners! This is your one and only DJ who loves you all in my dreams! Signing out!"

There it ended.

Making me blush furiously, pouting as if you'll see.

I miss you badly Shizuru, well, I'm just too dumb of an ass, I'm still enduring it.

I turned off the radio and proceeded to my work; I picked up my guitar, and played my on going composition. I'll be there soon, don't worry, Shizuru…

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Do you like it? Or should I erase it?

The 2 songs used in this chap:

**What can I do?** – the Corrs

**Alone **– Celine Dion

Please review! =3

yay! it's killing time. XD


	2. Wasn't it true?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mai-HiME/ Mai OTOME neither the characters nor songs used in this story! =D**

**Special thanks to: Chill37, Nimara, SoulAstray, JeanneModesty, lildevilish, colorfulsunrise514, dragonkyuubi101, kikyo4ever, LaCazadora, zaki-kun, bored an' sleepy, Kiros Razer, Silver Ice Bullet, krugern, emtz95, Ume Sama, xEvilAngel56x, yorusoe, Mypennamehasbeentaken, fyee, hanazono!~**

**For your reviews and advices! Thank you so much~ X3**

***bows head***

**Hope you enjoy this chap!**

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Chapter 2

'_Realizations, pain, and struggle'_

Sometimes

I feel uneasy…

I feel cold…

I had doubt…

I roll on different sides of the bed

And I can't sleep…

_Why?_

Simple…

I'm having my own damn…_guilt_

I stood up and glanced at my clock, it was already 2:30 am midnight, and questions were crossing my mind…_why? Why? Stop!_ I mentally scolded myself…I held my head like it was going to burst out. _It's my fault! It's mine!_

For my peace of mind, I dialed my friend's no. just to consult my dumb doings…

*ring *ring

"uhm..moshi-moshi?" a sound of a sleepy voice had answered.

"M-Mai?" I spoke, hoping that atleast she would remember me, it's been months since I talked to her too.

"Natsu-Natsuki?!" the voice had become a little surprised, it sounds alert. Thank goodness.

"Yes, It's me…" I answered back. A snort came after.

"Oi…what are you laughing at?" I retorted.

"Oh, well…It's just I'm happy to hear your voice again." I didn't answer, and then she continued.

"It seems you and Shizuru were far away from each other, mind telling me a valid reason why?" her voice was replaced by a serious tone, I know she really demands for an answer, no matter how long I hung up with this.

"I wanted to confess, but I decided to make it a little different…"

"Confess?Different?" She asked again.

"You know that she became one of the most famous singers here in Japan right?"

"Yeah, I even listened to her interview last time on the radio"

"So, are you familiar with the composer 'Dylan'?"

"Hai, She mentioned that name, does that something to do with my question and your answer?"

"Yes, because Dylan and me are just one…". Hearing my little secret, made her gasp a little.

"Oh. there there, Mai, don't be shocked, and don't tell anyone else, please!!" I started to panic. Dammit! Now I told her I'm that composer, am I making my life harder?!

"Natsuki, I never guessed you could actually compose the songs I'll love. Don't worry *giggles your secret is my secret." She answered me back with her cheery tone. Yes, that's right, I made one of my friends get hooked with my compositions and Shizuru's songs. Shaking my thoughts, I went back to my conversation.

"Mai, this isn't the thing I wanted to say…I wanted to consult.."

"Consult what?"

"Did I do the right way?"

"You mean how to convey feelings? Yes."

"No, not that…" by my answer, I could hear that she put her phone into another position making her more comfortable to listen.

"What is it Natsuki?"

"I was wondering…am I right for leaving Shizuru without any reason for her to know?"

"Oh…" was the only thing she could mutter and I decided to continue.

"I can't confess the way you all do…saying heart's three favorite words"

"Natsuki, confessing through music, was the best way to convey your feelings, but didn't you think about Shizuru's feelings in return? It hurts so much to know that your beloved had left you without any words to say. What can I say is…she'll be living all the way, thinking you never loved her."

A pang on my heart had struck, _Bingo…_

She's correct; I shouldn't have done this, I'm so right to confess through music… yet im so wrong to get into my goal. I never planned anything; I never had a _chance_… what always matters to me most was time. Always speed up so you can get on your way, take shortcuts to make things easier. But here… this time…It _shouldn't_ be.

I sighed in return, gesturing Mai to continue.

"Have you watched the news lately?"

"No, I haven't…for the whole 2 days" I answered. My thoughts were running again, this time, I'm not gonna hold back my tears.

"Damn it… you should, you missed all happenings around Shizuru." She replied, having a concerned tone.

"I had to fix my TV for those days, well, don't ask why."

"Reito and Shizuru were rumored to be dating, paparazzi's had been around and featured some pictures on TV, well, pictures together, you know.."

_Rumored to be dating.._

_To be…_

_Dating…_

Another struck of pain is here again. Jealousy is within me, it makes me suffer, it hurts like my heart was torn into pieces, and it's hard to breathe. First it was me who ruined the two of us, I should be the one to blame about this… about this damn thing!

"I see… thanks" I replied again, I don't want to add anything…It's _enough_

"Natsuki…are you alright?"

"Y-yes I am…don't worry" I assured her.

"If you need someone to talk to, just call me alright?"

"Thank you Mai…Thank you…"

There, I ended up my call. I stood up and for the first time, slid the curtains and windows.

Maybe, I just need to continue, no one knows where it could end up…

I glanced my watch again, 5:30 am, the sun had raised too early, a strike of orange clouds started to grow, I closed my eyes…_ reach that thing, no matter how hard it is._

I'm wrong…but I'm correct…so I'll stick with this, my way is dumb, but my goal isn't.

* * *

Another day had started; I left to my bed and proceed with my morning routines. Surely, I had time thinking many things; I had my chance to write something for my composer. To be straight, Dylan intrigues me very much, she even draws me more to her compositions, my dreams…my fantasies…It's getting alive as I sing her songs…her compositions.

I put a small letter on a mini envelope and asked our messenger to send this for her, this time, I decided to interact with her, through letters, better not to force myself from seeing her, time will come. And I'll wait, I hope she replies..

My mind ran to another thought again, the news were bugging me all the time, rumors had spread around Japan, saying me and Reito were together, which I could say, too impossible to happen.

Reito is close to me, but not to the extent that I could fall in love to him, he's a great friend, a good brother. Nothing more…

I was planning to react on the rumors, but still, reacting isn't the great way, they'll think more like that if I react. So… better leave what it is, they'll ask me about that anyway, I just need time.

I dressed up and went to the recording studio, as usual, go to the bandy clock for an attendance, and fidget for a short time to my office. I wonder what will be my next song.

I never get this too excited.

"Good Morning Shizuru." A familiar voice greeted.

"Ara, Good morning Reito" I greeted back, her was wearing his usual toothy smile which make other girls faint. It really surprised me when Natsuki didn't react anything when he flashed his model like teeth… Natsuki…ara, _Natsuki_…

A frown was replaced as I think of her, she really had forgotten me…

"Is there something wrong? Shizuru?" my thoughts were cut off by a sudden question from my companion.

"uh, Nothing's wrong." I quickly answered, followed by shook of my head.

"I see, anyway, you'll have your interview today, and we'll be discussing your debut album…"

A surprised face crept into me. _'debut album?'_

"Ara, ara, am I right with what am I hearing? Debut album?"

"Hai, Hai, debut album, but keep it to yourself for now, go and get ready for your interview."

I nodded and did what he just said. Well, somehow, I'm so happy to know I'll have my debut album, I hope Natsuki's here, so I could share these happiness I dedicate for her.

But…

I can't hide the truth itself from me…

I'm hurt…

And it continues to stab my heart…

I don't want to believe this was happening to us…

I wanted to live with Natsuki…

I wanted to live with my fantasies…my dreams…

But it can't be…

This is the _reality_, my _dream catcher_…

I found myself, with headphones, and was now ready for the interview. The DJ from last time, was here again.

The introduction had started and I paid attention to his questions.

"Konnichiwa~! Shizuru-san! How are you today?"

"As always, fine DJ-san."

"Oh, I see, since I guess you in a good mood, I'll start asking you some questions now!"

"Feel free DJ-san!"

"First question, is it true that Mr. Kanzaki Reito and you are getting well together?"

"Yes it is, but as friends." I answered, remarking with a slight cheery yet serious tone.

"friends? Is there any possibility on going to the next level?"

"I believe nothing more than friendship could happen between us DJ-san, and I'm sure about it."

"Ohoho, why is it so Shizuru-san? Or are you just afraid of getting bug off to our questions?"

"Ara, I treat Reito as my brother, other than that, I like someone else, no, scratch that. I _love_ someone else."

Gasps from the back could be heard as I confess the real thing. The thing that hurts me most…

_I love someone else…_

_Yet she doesn't love me back…_

"You love someone else?!" the DJ replied back. I know hew as surprised, but I just smiled him inside the studio.

"Who?" he asked again.

"Someone you'll never know DJ-san, someone that you'll never understand why…"

I know many people were listening to this conversation, that's why I wasted no time to tell some of my real feelings…

"I'm loving someone right now…yet She doesn't love me back..-"

The DJ cut me off by another question.

"you mean 'she'? not 'he'? Shizuru-san prefers girls?"

"Did I turned off DJ-san and others? I'm just actually telling you the facts."

A lots of squeals and giggles from the back were heard again, I wonder why…

"No, you're not Shizuru-san, you were actually dragging closer the fans of yours ahahahaha!" he replied with a laugh.

"Ara,I'm serious DJ-san, Im not kidding"

"We're certainly not Shizuru-san. You earned our respect more than one could get." The DJ spoke again. "Whoever she is, she's really lucky to have you."

"Ookini DJ-san…I hope she's listening."

"Well, Shizuru-san I wanted to know atleast one thing."

"Ara, What is it?"

"Tell us what does she look like?"

"Ara, I'll give a few clues, *giggles"

"Great idea, Shizuru-san! Alright Shizuru fanatics, jot down them if you like!"

"jot down?" I asked, hiding my bursting giggles. Natsuki knows what I'll do, and I'm pretty sure she'll blush.

"Hai, Shizuru-san, If they like, haha, please start describing then."

"She likes to ride motorcycles, then once you became at ease with her, you'll love it when she blushes~ kyaaa! Oops…uhm * cough, the last thing I wanted to share is that…She likes mayonnaise."

I can't stop my bursting giggles inside when we were talking about this, glad that after my answer he simply switched our topic, ended it up once again and bid goodbye to his fellow listeners.

It was already 12 pm, our lunch break when Reito came towards me, his dashing smile was a bit messed up, not like the always.

"Hey there Shiz…" he waved his hand a little.

"Ara, Reito, have your lunch already?" I smiled in return, my casual smile, a façade to be straight.

"Iie, I was just about to ask you for a lunch"

"I see…Reito is asking me for a date" I teased, ofcourse a normal teasing used for friends as my joke, no romantic feelings inside, unlike the one I use with Natsuki.

"Well, that's what I wanted you to call it anyway.."

_What? _I mentally asked. Is he taking my teases too much? I should stop; I guess my teasing was the root of this issue.

I simply smiled, and walked with him, we went to a cafeteria and sat down; he asked me what my orders were, _his treat_ he said. Afterwards he broke the silence between us.

"Is there anything that I could do?"

"What do you mean?" I looked at him on the other chair; his fingers were tapping the table, waiting for an answer.

"Is there a way to replace Natsuki in that heart of yours?" he pointed out.

_A way…_

_To replace Natsuki…_

_In my heart?_

_

* * *

  
_

The door knocked three times before I stood up and opened it, geez, it was already 9:00 am, and the messenger had come.

"Na-Natsuki-san." He muttered handling a small envelope to me, I glared him back, which in return came as a gulp.

"What's that?! A letter from you? no way, trash that." I have no time for other people's message, I'm not interested.

"N-no Natsuki-san I-"

"I said throw that away!"

"Natsuki-san it's from Fujino-san!!!" he yelped, he had his hands curled like a ball, and his eyes closed; he looked like a cartoonized being. W-wait…_Fujino-san?_

"Huh?" I answered in low tone, maybe I heard a wrong thing.

"This letter came from Fujino-san, she asked me to deliver this from you, reply if you like, I'll be waiting here outside before you give me the composition."

I accepted the envelope, he manages to go and wait outside, oh well, I guess he knew I won't entertain him like others do. I sat on the couch and opened the small thing, a letter was placed inside.

_To: Dylan-chan_

_Ara, it seems Dylan is depriving me to see her cute face, I wonder why?fufu.. Ookini for acknowledging me last time about your compositions, especially your compliments, I hope to meet you someday. Feel free to call me Shizuru, since we work together._

Dammit, she's teasing again, all I can do is to blush, arghh..

I stood up and decided to reply, I looked for a pen and small piece of paper and started to write. Writing something for a reply doesn't need any big efforts anyway.

After writing, I submitted my composition together with my note on a short envelope to the messenger, he bowed his head gesturing that he'll now live. I smirked at him instead of glaring, "Thanks." I muttered. He acknowledged my words with a smile and started walk away.

It was already 9:45 in the morning; I went to the bathroom with the radio and decided to turn it on while having a shower.

_I'll give you a few clues *giggles*_

Oh…crap it's Shizuru

_Great Idea, Shizuru-san! Alright Shizuru fanatics, jot down them if you like_

_Jot down?_

_Hai, Shizuru-san, If they like, haha, please start describing then._

_She likes to ride motorcycles, then once you became at ease with her, you'll love it when she blushes~ kyaaa! Oops…uhm * cough, the last thing I wanted to share is that…She likes mayonnaise."_

Blushes, motorcycle, mayonnaise…

Thinking the top three things I heard on the radio I quickly jump out on the shower room to listen carefully, but to my idiotic action, I slipped on the floor and I didn't heard the following words on the machine.

"Ouch! Damn you!" I cursed to nobody. I rubbed my bottom and went back the shower room, _was she talking about me?_ I should have turned on the radio earlier!!

* * *

I shook my head with a smile as an answer in return, which made him frown a little.

"Ara, Reito?"

"Shizuru, why? I- I was expecting you to have the same feelings for me when Natsuki left you behind. She left you already!" his right hand was now curled into a ball, revealing some of his nerves on the top of his hand.

"Love doesn't go that fast." The only answer I could give him.

"Shizuru, just give me a chance…"

"Ara, Reito…"

Our conversation was cut off because of the food. We started to eat silently; here and there my thoughts are playing. _Stop it please.._

We didn't talk to each other as we go back to the office, there, the messenger was patiently waiting for me on the table.

"Ara, have your lunch already?" he nodded and smiled as an answer then he handed me an envelope.

"Fujino-san, here is the new composition together with Dylan-san's reply."

I scanned the envelope and smiled.

"Ookini! Please have your break.." he bowed his head and left the office.

Reito didn't have the chance to talk personal things with me, he decided to sit on the couch inside while I stay on the table opening the envelope from the Dylan, I'm too excited for these…I pulled out two papers from the envelope a small and a long one.

And I started to read her reply.

_To: Shizuru Fujino_

_Baka._

_Don't -chan me._

'_kay I'll call you Shizuru._

_Work your best, I'll be right by your side.._

Teehee…

She talks like…_like Natsuki_…

I flipped the small paper and wrote an answer to her reply, I guess talking with her feels so great.

As if I could be myself. After that, I set the letter aside and studied her composition. It's…beautiful.

I asked the staff to prepare the studio for me, for I was going to record this one…_now_

Reito stood up and picked the paper, somehow, his face went into a real frown as he read the lyrics. I could here his murmur a little like 'I can do this better' or something. I decided not to pay attention to it. I wanted to give all my attention to this song…My fantasies… it's coming back…

_**I see you in my memory  
As vivid as today  
And I wonder do you see me  
In that same familiar way  
Ohhh..., another place, another time  
We'll meet again and you'll be mine,  
Ohhh..., 'cause nothing can compare to you and I**_

Natsuki…and me?

_**Wasn't it true do you remember like I do  
(Wasn't it true or is it)  
All tainted in your view  
Could I be just a dream or two  
(Wasn't it true)  
Oh, if I knew  
**_  
It's true…true…I'll always remember you

_**Now I know it was so special  
(Every single way)  
Every single way, yeah, yeah  
You know I'd go right back there  
(Take me back today)  
If you take me back today  
'Cause I know there's no one to replace you in my mind  
**_  
I won't even replace you in my mind…

_**Wasn't it true do you remember like I do  
(Wasn't it true or is it)  
All tainted in your view  
Could I be just a dream or two  
(Wasn't it true)  
Oh, if I knew**_

_**Do you remember...  
Oh I remember...  
Do you remember...  
(Do you remember, Do you remember, Do you remember)  
Oh I remember  
(Do you remember, Do you remember, Do you remember)**_

_**True, remember like I do  
(Wasn't it true or is it)  
Tainted in your view  
Just a dream or two  
(Wasn't it true)  
Away from you**_

_**Wasn't it true, so true, remember like I do, I do  
(Wasn't it true, or is it all)  
Tainted in you're view  
Could I be just a dream or two  
(Wasn't it true)  
Away from you  
Do you remember...  
(True, Remember like I do)  
Oh I remember...  
(Wasn't it true, or is it tainted in your view)  
(Just a dream or too)  
Oh I remember...  
(Wasn't it true)  
(True, remember like I do)  
(Wasn't it true, or is it)  
Tainted in your view  
Just a dream or two...**_

Your not just a dream Natsuki…no..

It won't happen..

Or…_it will?_

I hugged the composition tightly..

I won't…I won't hold back..

Not now… I shouldn't…

I could ease this pain…

* * *

I stumble back to the kitchen, for my lunch, sure these cup noodles and mayo spreads keeps me alive from my works. After that I decided to take a look at the outside world, I dressed up simple attire: Plain white shirt, converses and black cargo pants; I strolled every place where my feet take me. Looking around, I could really tell Shizuru had become famous at all, _too far to reach her now_…

"well not really" I assured myself, Im her composer anyways..

Afternoon came and couples were now on the street, some on the park, some just having fun. I felt empty… I forgot that feeling…

The feeling of being together with someone you didn't know you already love.

The warmth..

The happiness..

'_dumb act!' _I mentally scolded again.. I chose to go home as fast as I could, I didn't brought my Ducati with me, so I'm forced to commute.

I see the street lights..

Sweet couples…

Happy people…

Shizuru…

There's always Shizuru on my mind…

And I can't stop thinking about her…

As I get out on the bus, I walked as run as fast as I could, just _need_ to get home. I didn't care whom I will hurt, I just continue running…

Now I got back home, I glanced at my clock, it was already 6:30 in the evening…

I dressed up back to shorts and blue sleeveless t-shirt and flop to the couch. I turned on the radio into my favorite station, and decided to make a composition…

"Thoughts of _you_ doesn't really leave me alone…you know" I said to myself.

* * *

I went home at exactly 3:30 in the afternoon, not bothering if I was too early to leave, I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, Reito asked me again if we can work out in a relationship, which I straightly answered "No..". I didn't care what will he answer..

I reached home after 2 hours, traffic does make others very late…on my way home I saw a lone silhouette figure running on the other side of the road, I didn't have the chance to stare, _so fast._

Opening the windows on my room I could see city lights lightening up, Afterwards I got inside the shower room to cleanse myself, then I stayed on the bath tub.

*sigh

I sang one of my own compositions which no one ever knows.

_**Whenever I sang my songs,  
On the stage,  
On my own.  
Whenever I said my words,  
wishing they would be heard.  
I saw you smiling at me,  
Was it real or just my fantasy?  
You'd always be there in the corner, of this tiny little bar.**_

I played the water in my hands as it flows through my arms

_**My last night here for you,  
same old songs just once more.  
My last night here with you?  
Maybe yes, maybe no.  
I kind of liked it your way,  
how you shyly placed your eyes on me.  
Did you ever know that I had mine on you?**_

I caressed my own white and pale skin…thinking when was the last time I felt your warm touch…

_**Darling so there you are!  
With that look on your face.  
As if your never hurt.  
As if your never down.  
Shall I be the one for you,  
Who pinches you softly but sure?  
If frown is shown then,  
I will know that you are no dreamer.**_

I closed my eyes tightly for the second time…I can hardly deliver the lines of my song…I could feel tears were now gathering again.

_**So let me come to you  
Close as I wanna be.  
Close enough for me  
to feel your heart beating fast  
and stay there as i whisper  
how i loved your peaceful eyes on me  
did you ever know that i had mine on you?**_

The times you engulfed me with your warm embrace…

Times that you touch my hands without making any words or talk.

The times…that had long almost…_forgotten_..

_**Darling so share with me,  
your love if you have enough,  
your tears if your holding back,  
or pain if thats what it is.  
How can i let you know?  
I'm more than the dress and the voice.  
Just reach me out then,  
You will know that you are not dreaming.**_

Touch me, hug me, protect me…

Once again..

I'm yearning for you…Natsuki..

_**Darling so there you are!  
With that look on your face.  
As if your never hurt.  
As if your never down.  
Shall I be the one for you,  
Who pinches you softly but sure?  
If frown is shown then,  
I will know that you are no dreamer.**_

I washed my face with water…and stood up

I didn't have the time to prepare myself very much, I dressed up in my night gown and drifted to my bed..

_It's so…cold_

_

* * *

_

_FEEL FREE TO HURT ME IF THIS WASN'T YOUR TYPE!_

_any weapons would do~ X3  
_

**Yay! Thank you for reading. Please review!~ wheeew.**

Songs used in this chap:

**Remember** – the CORRS

**Eyes on me** – Faye Wong (it's from FF VIII actually)

I know there were possible errors in this chap, I just don't know where..

**Gomen~**

**Note**: I'm looking for help (T_T) please help me to make the story flow even better. Please! Please. ***Fingers crossed***


	3. In My Dreams

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mai HiME/ Mai Otome neither it's characters!! They were owned by Sunrise! XD And also the Songs used below.**

**A/U: err, a sudden change of ideas had been twisted to my mind! XD Thanks big bro for giving me some certain inspiration for this. So…Natsuki in shell we'll be on a change. Watch out for it! LOL.**

**Thank you very much to: granadoespada, chill37, kadd, krugern, colorfulsunrise514, xEvilAngel56x, fyee, kikyo4ever, noraily, noobsdog, Ume sama, hanazono, vampangelus, Kuga Shizuru, danger flowers, lildevilish, emtz95, Beaustiful!~**

**I hope you enjoy this chap! **

**

* * *

  
**

Chapter 3

'_Unfulfilled obsessions, twisted roads and great danger…'_

After having some toasts and coffee, I looked at my wrist watch.

"5:45 pm is sure early…" I said to my self, then I strolled to my living room and sit at my beige luxury couch. I closed my eyes to lull myself into the midst of my dreams…

What thing does _she_ have, that _I_ don't?

_Money?_ I have lots

_Fame?_ I'm really popular than her

_Intelligence?_ I'm one of the smartest guy back in high school…

_Talent?_ I could sing, I could sing for _her_.

_Appeal?_ Every girl wants me, every girl wants my heart…

But the only girl I wanted to take my heart is _Shizuru._

Her grace, her elegance, her sweetness, _her_…

I've loved her since we've met. I like the way she smiles.

The way she communicates with me.

The way she is with me.

All I could think for myself is…_She loves me too._

But then…

You. Kuga Natsuki. Came to our lives eventually.

The day she saw _you,_ was the day _we _saw each other.

That was the time I saw her smiles become more…more…_beautiful_.

More. More. _Entrancing…_

Shizuru often talks to me at school regarding subjects or discussions; she treated me so good…so good to the point that the whole school thinks were a _couple._

What hurts me in my part?

Shizuru talks to Natsuki every free time and her smiles were somewhat _very special_. It's not the casual smile she gives to me. Not the smile she gives to somebody. But _Natsuki._

She often surprises that girl from the back, or sometimes bringing her extra lunch.

_How about me?_

I used to sneak out to their meeting place and hide; just to find out that they were talking about their private lives, not to mention, she teases Natsuki to the bone. _I feel like nothing…I'm so…disappointed…_

Back to our high school life, I asked her what her relationship with Natsuki was.

"_She's…my dearest Natsuki…"_

Dearest Natsuki? _Damn… _  
After Natsuki had left her… I asked her again.

"_She's still…my dearest Natsuki…"_

Her words didn't change…but the tone of her voice got more gentle and sweet. It angers me that much. _How long will she wait for that idiot?_

I'll get Shizuru no matter what it takes. And this is the right time.

"_No.."_

Shizuru refused me. She ran away from me.

But that wouldn't be the end of it_. There's still more. _I planned to go to Natsuki's apartment.

'_If I can't get you by myself then I'll use the one who could get you for me…' _I mentally snickered.

Getting prepared for my personal appointment, I dressed up formally and wear my casual smile; I turned off my lights and got out.

'_You'll be mine…Shizuru'_

_

* * *

_

It's already 6:30 am in the morning; I stood up from my bed and do my early and everyday routine. Reito's words bothered me so much.

"_Shizuru, just give me a chance…"_

How could I give someone a chance if my feelings aren't giving in for him?

He's my best friend. Just _best friend_.

I decided to forget the things happened last time, I'll act just the way it is everyday.

He should forget _me_. Yet, It's not that fast. _I know_.

I dressed up with a cozy attire, I fixed my hair, and check for my things then I left home.

"7:30 in the morning? Not bad." I congratulated myself. Then I went back to my thoughts again.

'_We should close this discussion. Or maybe find someone for him. I can't just let Reito be like that. He has helped me a lot'_

'_He's my best friend…my brother…and I can't just make him suffer'_

My phone rang, I glanced on it. "Ara, Reito?" I said to myself.

I pushed the 'answer' button and waited for his voice.

"Good Morning, Shizuru" his voice was clear and a little cheery.

"Ara, Same to you Reito, My, my, what could be the reason for him to call?" I answered back, I wasted no time to ask him about the call, he calls me only if it's urgent.

"Oh, just wanna say we'll be aborting your debut album, and instead change it into a big slam concert."

'_Big slam concert?'_ I got shocked. _'I wonder why he aborted the debut album when having a concert is much more expensive.'_

"Ookini Reito, but launching a concert is much more expensive than a debut album, my budget for that won't be sufficient."

"I know _my_ Shizuru, and all I want is the best for you, don't worry, I'll pay for the whole expenses."

'_My Shizuru? I'm not his girlfriend!' _I mentally yelped.

"Reito what-"before I responded to his words he talked again to end our conversation.

"No need to respond to that dear…hmm…Till here for now Shizuru see you on the studio." then the line was cut off.. I flipped my phone closed and placed it inside my bag. "What's with him?" I asked myself.

'_This shouldn't go and get long'. _ I mentally thought…I could feel something is wrong…

_Really wrong._

_

* * *

_

I did some stretching, early in the morning.

*sigh

Who wouldn't? I woke up too early; I glanced at my watch and its 6:00 am. I've finished my composition altogether in one round. Then I just slept only for 3 hours.

Shit! _Three crappy hours_! Well, I regularly sleep 9-11 hours, so sleeping that short is new for me.

I slid my curtains to look at the azure sky; it seems it's cold outside, yet, beautiful. Few cars were hitting on the road, and few lights were open.

"Oh the radio!" I yelped to myself, then I stumbled back into the couch and opened that damn machine. I quickly changed the radio station into my favorite, into _our _favorite…

Hearing the station aloud, I went to the kitchen to refresh my face and prepare my meal.

"Oh, Hot!" I exclaimed as the boiled water pours into my not-yet-ready-noodles, well, I accidentally pressed the button of the thermos while my two fingers were still digging the cover. "damn! Whew!" I cursed as I blew my roasted fingers out.

_Wait…_

I forgot everything…every pain, as I tuned my attention back to the radio, together with my noodles, I sat back and paused. _'Our song…'_

I decided to listen and linger with my thoughts.

_**When I think back  
On these times  
And the dreams  
We left behind  
I'll be glad 'cause  
I was blessed to get  
To have you in my life  
When I look back  
On these days  
I'll look and see your face  
You were right there for me**_

Different happenings flashed back in my mind.

"_Ouch, curse that vegetable!" the blunette had a hard time cutting a certain vegetable which earned as a cut in her index finger._

"_Ara,Natsuki! It's not like that! Carrots are peeled lightly! No need to peel them so hard. look now what you have…" Shizuru walked towards the girl and held her hand softly while the other hand reached her pocket to get her band-aid. " Natsuki should be careful next time. Or else her fingers won't be complete anymore. " the brunette teased as she plastered the material to the other girl's wounded finger._

"_Shi…Shizuru…T-Thanks.." Natsuki replied, her face started to lit up into a pinkish one. "Well, I told you before, that's why I hate cooking…" _

"_Ara, I always knew about that, that's why I didn't ask you to help me. yes?"_

"_But…err…you're always making lunch for me, I couldn't help it…"_

"_Ookini Natsuki…but you see, I'm very happy to make lunch for you…maybe next time I'll be making your meal before you go to work?" Shizuru lovingly teased._

"_W-well, I'll just leave things to you…but don't burden yourself. Please." Natsuki stepped away and turned around "I'm happy just to have you here.." she murmured. Shizuru, not hearing the last words the blunette said turned her head a little to see a Natsuki sitting on the couch._

"_Ara? What could have Natsuki just said?" _

_**In my dreams  
I'll always see your soar  
Above the sky  
In my heart  
There will always be a place  
For you for all my life  
I'll keep a part  
Of you with me  
And everywhere I am  
There you'll be**_

"_I-I-Lewv- damn! Mai" _

"_C'mon! say it! You can do that!"_

"_I Lo-lo- ack.. I can't! It's hard. I'm shy."_

_The busty woman patted Natsuki on the head for assurance._

"_Natsuki, All sweetest things could be said in one word. I then LOVE then YOU. I-LOVE-YOU"_

"_Dammit, I can't say it, it's too common. Is there any word here for substitute?"_

"_You can say…hmm, jet'aime , aishiteru, gua ai di, mahal kita, ich liebe dich, etc. you can say it in so many languages."_

"_Damn! How about any phrase?"_

"_You can say…'damn hot lovable sexy baby.' " She joked. "Haha, juz kiddin'. In other words, I don't know any."_

"_Okay…alright, thanks Mai…"_

"_Hey, practice at home."_

_The blunette raised her right hand in front of mai and answered. "Talk to my hand. It says 'Thanks' "_

_**Well you showed me  
How it feels  
To feel the sky  
Within my reach  
And I always  
Will remember all  
The strength you  
Gave to me  
Your love made me  
Make it through  
Oh, I owe so much to you  
You were right there for me**_

"_Ara Natsuki…I'm scared…"_

"_Shizuru, it's just water, I'm here. I'll be. I'll teach you to swim."_

_Natsuki offered a hand to the brunette which was hesitantly accepted by her, Shizuru came slowly into the deep waters with eyes covered by fear, and the blunette surely did notice that._

_Using both arms Shizuru came closer to Natsuki engulfing the swimmer into a hug._

"_Oi…" was the only thing Natsuki had muttered. A blush could be seen again creeping up on her face._

"_Ara…Surely, waters aren't that scary…" responded by the brunette tightening her arms around Natsuki's neck._

"_I thought Natsuki will teach me how to swim?" _

"_H-How could I? you're holding me too tight."_

"_Ara…I see…hmm...__ will Natsuki mind, if I said I don't wanna learn swimming lessons anymore?"_

"_What!? Then how are you going back there?!"_

"_Natsuki won't leave me here right? Other than that *sniff *sniff…She's warm" _

_The speechless Natsuki decided to stop arguing, and instead wrap her arm onto the woman's waist and guide her along the waters; she could see and feel the soft, white and flawless skin of Shizuru since she was wearing two piece of bathing suit, no matter how minor or major it is, her blush formed again, now, a full body blush._

"_Shizuru…"_

"_Yes?"_

"_I didn't know, it's just 5 feet and a half. Why are you still clinging?"_

_**'Cause I always saw in you  
My light, my strength  
And I want to thank you  
Now for all the ways  
You were right there for me  
You were right there for me  
For always **_

*poof

My mind clicked off from the thoughts, "God…dammit…" I murmured. My noodles went cold after staying there a few minutes; then and there I started to munch on the food, still having my deep thoughts. "Maybe I'm just damn so wrong. No, not 'maybe'. I'm sure wrong."

I glanced back at my watch and it's already 7:30 am. _'pretty fast'_ I thought.

After that, I heard someone knock on my door, _'This early? It couldn't be the messenger he should be here before or after lunch. but not like this.'_

Opening the door, I saw Reito Kanzaki, having his casual dashing smile. _'That doesn't attract me though'_ I thought again.

"Good Morning Natsuki!" he greeted me with his '_damn'-great_ smile.

"Oh, hey, Reito. C'mon in." I answered back, motioning him to go inside, which he did then after wards I closed the door.

"So…what's up? Anything I could give?" I started to ask, well, Reito comes here for business discussions and other professional topics.

"Well, I won't be getting this too long but…will you help me?" oh, _help?_ First time ever he asked me for help. "Help? Sure thing, what is it?" I agreed without a second thought, he helped me to my compositions, so there's no problem to help him as my friend anyways.

He handed me a long sized envelope which I accepted hesitantly.

"Please arrange my composition." _'composition?' _without asking he continued his statement.

"A composition for my loved one I mean, you know courting, my personal thing, I wanna sing her a song, and I want to make it a special one. Could you arrange these compositions for my girl? Please?"

I nodded as an answer then I walked to my table to pick up paper and a pen then I went back to him. "Alright…err…I'll study these right away, tell me about her anyways…" I replied back. Though a part of me is somewhat feeling odd. It's like my head doesn't want to do this for Reito for some unknown reason. But as a friend I should. It's a help anyways.

"She's perfect." He started with a dreamy sigh "She's the dream of everyone's heart."

"Then?"

"She's my home, my everything. Yet she got someone to love. But that person doesn't give It back to her, so I'm here to make her happy and fulfill her happiness.."

"So…I take it, that's all? Or anything else you wanted to add?" _'it seems he's going to serenade that girl…' _

"yes." _'geez, how will I work on that?'_

"Gimme hours for this, will you wait? Or If you want you could get this later."

"Take your time…I'll wait." Then he tried to change out subject and lighten our atmosphere. "It's on our bloodline."

"huh?again?"

"My family likes smiling just like me. So, I inherited this to my ancestors" Then he flashed his toothy grin to me. "That."

"Oh…I see…That…well,uhh… feel at home, just please don't talk. Alright?" _'he inherited that damn smile to his ancestors? Thank goodness I restrained myself from laughing.'_

"As Natsuki wishes."

" 'kay."

I opened the envelope and scanned his first composition. _'what?!'_ My eyes widened at the paper, I looked back at him to see if he saw my reaction, but great, he's using his phone. _'This composition is almost needed to be revised! Not arranged!'_ I mentally yelped. I tapped my pencil a few times then I started my first work.

After a few hours, I modified a little his first song, then _'This is what he likes?'_ I picked up my guitar to make old-granny tunes. Geez, Im not used to make country-side tunes or oldies, but thanks to Lord. I made music within an hour. "So if I count the hours I took for this hmm…3 hours? I'm great! Whew.." I said to myself.

I turned my back to Reito whom I think was still busy texting someone. Probably the staff, since he's so late for his work.

"Reito." I called him for attention, he stood up and looked at me.

"Hm?"

"Mind if I'll just send the second song to the messenger tomorrow? He'll be here a few minutes and I guess I can't make it this day."

"Oh…sure, sure, I'll wait for it tomorrow, but where's the first one?"

"Here," I handed him the paper together with its chords and tunes to be made.

"You're sure about this? She'll like it? It changed alot" he replied emphasizing the 'Alot' word.

"Dunno, maybe." _'Well, I don't know since to admit the truth…I feel something wrong with myself…It's like I don't want to compose if it's for you. I did just force my self…'_

"Thanks Natsuki. Big Thanks for you."

"Err…Nevermind. Could I know who's that girl you loved? Or Liked?

"NO Natsuki!" he yelled at me then he coughed. " I mean, not now, since I don't know if she'll like this or not. I'll tell you if it's a success."

"Oh…kay?" I answered back, _'he's weird today..'_

"Thanks Natsuki!" he responded again, then he started to walk away.

After he had lost at my sight another appointment had come.

*sigh

It's the messenger.

"Oi~ Natsuki-san!! I came to get your-"

"compositions and submit it to Reito" I finished.

"Come in." I ordered. He obediently did what I said, then I sat on the table again and compiled my two compositions in an envelope.

"Tell them to give her this first alright?" I seriously explained. "Then after her recording give the second one."

"Here." I said as I hand the envelope to the messenger who was now looking like an idiot.

"Why are you smiling like that?!" I glared, well, he's acting stupidly again.

"Nothing! Just happy to atleast know that Natsuki-san is such a good person."

"huh?"

"If you were not, you should have runaway from Shizuru-san, but no, you didn't, it means you left Shizuru-san to test her faith on you, other than that, make things special for her. But…" he frowned. "She didn't know."

"Test her faith? On me?" _'That idea didn't crossed my mind actually, but was he also correct?'_

"Hai~. That's why I'm happy.." I scratched the back of my head and gave out a heavy sigh.

"Err..Well, sit down."

"Oh…ok—okay," he answered.

"What if I left her because I didn't know how to confess? How to say the _word_'?" I hope he got what I mean, After hearing his words, I realized something and it seemed he gained a little trust from me.

"Hmm…Natsuki-san left because she wanted to translate her feelings as music, other than that a way to say I love you?" _'Dang…just that easy?'_

"Just call me Natsuki, uhm…well, yeah. But I guess I found it a little wrong."

"Yep, it is, definitely. Because she doesn't know anything, because she's trying hard to ease her pain every time she records your songs."

_Oh pain…_

_Struggles…_

_Mistakes…_

'_Shit. He's right.'_

"Now messenger-"

"Sakomizu. Call me that."

"I see. Sakomizu, you sure know what we both feel…what do you think then?" I asked. I had an intention of asking an advice, atleast straightened things up.

"You're not miserable. You're just to dumb to be so shy. You have the girl Natsuki, all you need to do is to confirm it to her."

"I know but-"

"You can't, you don't know how." this time, he cut me off. I stopped myself and decided to listen to him.

"Such things do need to be done Natsuki, things that are needed to cure pain and to ease everything. You could have done both things if you didn't left her anyway. But since you're here…I think, it's time to end her misery."

"B-But how?"

"Reito-san texted me awhile ago, he announced that instead of having Shizuru-san's debut album, he is to launch such big slam concert using his own incomes."

"What will that do to me? to us?"

"Be there, I'll be your eyes." Then he gave me a piece of paper, it's Shizuru's reply.

My eyes widened at his words. He's right, very right, a sudden feeling streaked me. It's a feeling of easiness. I should have been grateful to him from the start.

"T-Thank you and sorry…" I said, his face that had been serious became a smiley again.

"No, no, it's okay. I know why you are harsh."

"Sorry again. Uhm…You think it's not yet late?"

"I bet it's not. Just make sure there are no other bugs getting close with your Shizuru-san."

I read the piece of paper he handed to me.

_Dylan,_

_What if the person you love doesn't love you back? What will you do?_

_Shizuru_

I quickly nod as my response, then he stood up and bowed to me.

"I shall go now Natsuki, well, to deliver your files as usual and also your reply in there." He stated as he pointed the paper with his finger. "Remember…there's no way better than to say 'I love you'"

I bowed him in return, then,I wrote a reply, absentmindedly… some of my thoughts were starting to invade my mind. _'Yeah? I guess it is…even my friends doesn't have any substitute for that…'_

I handed him a new piece of paper. "Thank you again Sakomizu…thank you."

He went outside to my room and bid again his goodbye.

I just stood there until I heard the closing of my door.

"Natsuki should go back to her thinking couch" I said to myself.

* * *

"Oh, hey, hey guys, wait up!" I waved my two hands to stop get the attention of my employees on the studio, seeing them look at me, I stood up on the table with a guitar and a lapel microphone on my polo.

"Ara? What was Reito doing in there?" Shizuru said as I heard a little chuckle coming from her voice. I beamed my smile and answered.

"Err, well, since you asked that question, I just wanted to dedicate a song for you, I made it only for Shizuru Fujino after all."

The 'Oohs' and 'Aahs' echoed our room, then they began to clap and whistle for me, I could see Shizuru still_, smiling? She isn't surprised?_ I decided not pay attention for now on that, I started to strum my guitar for the intro of my piece.

"Give it up for Reito Kanzaki!!!" I heard someone shout out loud from one of the cubicles which I gave back as a toothy grin.

_**There was a time some time ago  
When every sunrise meant a sunny day, oh a sunny day  
But now when the morning light shines in  
It only disturbs the dreamland where I lay, oh where I lay  
I used to thank the lord when Id wake  
For life and love and the golden sky above me  
But now I pray the stars will go on shinin,**_

_**you see in my dreams you love me**_

I heard some squeals again; it got louder, as if I'm having my mini concert on table. Some started to wave their hands along with my music.

_**Daybreak is a joyful time  
Just listen to the songbird harmonies, oh the harmonies  
But I wish the dawn would never come  
I wish there was silence in the trees, oh the trees  
If only I could stay asleep, at least I could pretend you're thinkin' of me  
cause nighttime is the one time I am happy,**_

_**you see in my dreams**_

I went down to the table and walk towards Shizuru and this time, I looked her deeply into those mesmerizing orbs.

_**We climb and climb and at the top we fly  
Let the world go on below us, we are lost in time  
And I dont know really what it means  
All I know is that you love me, in my dreams**_

_**I keep hopin one day Ill awaken, and somehow she'll be lying by my side  
And as I wonder if the dawn is really breakin'  
She touches me and suddenly I'm alive.**_

I sang through my lungs and I got a little lost at my pitch… thank goodness I got it back in no time.

_**Oho..In my dreams…**_

"Ara…" was the only word she gave as I finished the song

* * *

'_Reito had been sweet?'_ I thought as I look at him finishing his song. He composed a song for me? a song delivering his feelings…

I chuckled after that. I didn't know he could compose that good.

But there was something I could feel, like _there was something missing._

'_I don't know what it is…but I'm happy atleast he composed for me'_

"Ookini…Reito" then I beamed a smile at him. "How could you compose a song like that?"

"Well, I ask- no I mean, I made this myself. I composed a song for you." he answered unwarily, hoping I would miss the 'ask' word. _But I didn't._

I saw him come closer to me, he invaded my personal space and smile dashingly.

"I'll do everything if it means loving you…" he muttered as he tried to close the distance between our faces. He didn't paid attention to the others who were now holding there breaths.

I was about to talk when I heard someone's voice.

"Ehem, Shizuru-san" it was the messenger, thank goodness he saved me, I stepped back from Reito and walked towards the messenger.

"Messenger-san! How nice to have you on time." I beamed a smile on him which he gave back as a small smile. "Uhm…ano-.. Shizuru-san, what were you doing?" he innocently asked.

"Ara? This? Reito was performing his composition for me." I stepped one more and whispered to his ear. "There's nothing between us. Trust me." with that, he gave me his assuring smile and walked off.

As I turned back to Reito, I caught a glimpse of his terrorizing eyes, and within a second, his smiling face again. With the envelope in my hand I waved at them, signaling to prepare the recording studio and go back to their works. I swear I saw Reito sneered at_ it_, Or else the...

_messenger?_

While waiting, I sat on a chair beside me and look for Dylan's reply. To my surprise…

_Shizuru,_

_Wait for me. I'll be there. Soon._

No other words were written on the paper. But I could feel my heart sped up fast. I feel excited for this. _'When? Where?'_

My sudden emotions of excitement were spoiled by Reito. "Hey, It's ready." I nodded back in return, then walked with him. I felt his one arm rest on my left shoulder, I walked faster and went inside the studio.

"Ara, the tunes were cheerful? That's new."

"Err. This was the composer said, first is this one. Then the second one is this."

"Hmm. can I see the first one?"

I scanned the first song that I am to sing. A sudden light blush had occurred on my nose bridge as I read the words itself. _'The composition seems to answer and mock me as always'_

After a few minutes, "Let's get on with it!" I cheerfully asked.

_**A bomb drops and no-one stirs  
On a lazy summers evening  
Seated with a man  
She knows she shouldn't be with  
But in his eyes, the lies surprise  
Something she's been needing  
A certain touch within her voice  
Can tell you what she's feelin'**_

The time she broke someone's bone because of flirting with me…

"_Why do you need to do that Natsuki?"_

"_Because his annoying."_

"_How?"_

"_I don't want to see others flirting with you at all.."_

"_Why?"_

"_Darn. Figure it for yourself."_

"_You're too sweet."_

"_I'm not."_

**I want you  
Need you  
Yeah, I want you  
I need you**

When will I hear these tingling words from Natsuki?

_**And I'll be lyin' here waitin'  
Hopin' lov'll come my way  
But if the sun's still shinin'  
I'll save it for another day  
(Save it for a rainy day)**_

_**A door slams and suddenly  
She's awoken from her dreams  
Of late goodbye's and shadowed eyes  
Those crazy summer feelings**_

Instinctively, I swayed my hips and joined with the beat as I sing the song.

_**I want you  
Need you  
Yeah, I want you  
I need you**_

_**And I'll be lyin' here waitin'  
Hopin' lov'll come my way  
(Save it for a rainy day)  
But if the sun's still shinin'  
I'll save it for another day  
(Save it for a rainy day)  
Save it for a rainy day**_

We'll meet. I know. We'll be together again…Natsuki I'm not afraid anymore.

_**I want you  
Need you  
Yeah, I want you  
I'll need you**_

_**And I've been lyin' here waitin',  
Hopin' lov'd come my way  
(Save it for a rainy day)  
But if the sun's still shinin'  
I'll save it for another day  
(Save it for a rainy day)**_

The song itself…

The music itself…

How does this make me...feel fine?

There was something I can't define… something that makes me complete.

Something strange…

_But great.._

_

* * *

_

'_What did I wrote?? What did I??'_ I scratched my head and shook it how many times before I realized…

_Wait for me. I'll be there. Soon.  
_

'_That's it! Damn!'_ I mentally cursed myself because of being so absentminded that time. "Now what will I do??" I looked at my clothes then gazed at the mirror. " What will I do?"

'_The earlier…the better…'_

"yeah! That's it!" I yelped as I stood up to from my thinking chair and went to my closet.

"Kuga Natsuki is coming."

* * *

"Curse you Sakomizu…you still love your job didn't you?"

"H-Hai…Reito-san…"

"I'll let this pass. But next time you interfere our lovely scene…you should look for another job."

"B-but Reito-san, Shizuru-san has a lover right?"

"She doesn't have anyone. Tell that to your brain."

"She had Natsu-" a strong punch landed on my face as I brought up our conversation. "R-Reito-san."

"Shizuru will be mine after a few more hits. She likes MY compositions!" then he marked it with a strange laugh.

"You can't compose! I'm sure with that, you tried but it didn't passed the-" kicks near my ribs were executed for how many times.

"If you didn't stop…you'll die." With that, I gathered my papers and bag and ran as fast as I could for my life.

'_whatever it is…it'll not happen, we'll make sure of that.' _ I mentally thought.

* * *

There! I hope you like it. LOL. sorry if it's kind if late.

School days just started and the freakin' homeworks were with me! =3

**Songs used in this chap: **

**There You'll be – **Faith Hill (song choice by **xEvilAngel56x**)

**In My Dreams** – REO Speedwagon (Err. It's late 80's if im correct. Whew! I guess mom and pop are right, you are to love old songs as you grow up haha)

**Rainy Day** – The CORRS (Actually this will be my 2nd to the last song from the CORRS)

Please Review! :3

It always helps and is appreciated to the bottom of my medulla oblongata...err. I mean my heart.


	4. Whatever It takes

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mai HiME/ Mai Otome neither it's characters!! They were owned by Sunrise! XD And also the Songs used below.**

**THANK YOU READERS!! A VERY BIG THANK YOU!! :3**

**I hope you enjoy this chap. :P**

**

* * *

**

******Chapter 4**

_**'Cold War..and Untimely Confessions...'  
**_

I mounted on my bike and checked myself in it's mirror "Why do I have to wear lavender?" I asked myself, I didn't have the time to choose what to wear, I just pulled up my recently used cargo pants, picked up my guitar and stumble along the way. _'I need to prove I really am Dylan..'_

Hearing it's roaring engine, I put my helmet on and flipped it's visor, and started driving. City lights were hitting all the streets, I gripped tightly the bars and increased it's speed, _'I hope I could still catch her'._

Just a mile away from the studio I saw Sakomizu on a waiting shed sitting on one of it's post, breathing hard. I stopped on his spot and dismounted on my bike.

"Damn…what's with these bruises? Are you all right?" I examined his body who already got purplish spots on his arms and face, I was going to hold his torso and help him up when he flinched because of pain. "Na-Na…He…Help me..Nat-Natsuki, he's going after you…ack!" he then, started to cough a small amount of blood and continued "Reito has you… on purpose…don't.." he fell backwards, but as fast as a bullet luckily I caught him up. _'Almighty God, why did you gave him such size?!'_

I put his one arm at the back of my neck, while one of my hands guiding his waist, I carried him on my ducati and helped him ride on it. Carefully, I mounted on my bike with him infront of me, his afro hair was distracting my line of sight, but thank goodness, I revved the engine then started driving on to the nearest hospital I know.

Stopping right in front of the door, medics ran into us for help, Sakomizu was carried by an emergency hospital bed, I trailed the nurses behind until I was stopped by them, I don't know what to do next, so I sat on the bench nearby the counter and waited for the doctors to come.

"_Reito has you…on purpose…don't.."_

"What could he actually mean? Has me on purpose?" I mumbled to myself. _'What's going on?'_

_

* * *

  
_

I started arranging my files and pack up, it was already evening and I feel so tired. But the thought of seeing my composer alerted my veins and start thinking. _'When would that be?'_

As I was having my trail of thoughts, I hear some footsteps coming closer to me, I look at my back and saw Reito _again._

He placed his arms on the table between my waists, and leaned slowly, "Did you enjoy my performance?"

I quickly slipped out of his dominance gracefully and answered. "Ofcourse…you're good."

"Good? Not great?" he replied. I smiled at him and picked up my things, then I started to walk away.

"It's good."

I hear cracking of knuckles before he talked. "Your concert will be next week…"

I turned again to face him. "Ara, I see, we'll talk about that tomorrow, have a wonderful night Reito.." then and there I left for home.

"That was close…" I said to myself.

On my way home, cars started to have such distracting traffic. As I tap my fingers on the steering wheel, I decided to make a short cut against this traffic. _'I'll go inside the hospital's road to reach the other end of it'_ I smirked as I get on with my plan. I changed my directions and carefully looked for another way around, as I have thought, the hospital's main road inside is not occupied and I would be able to bypass the traffic and make my way on home.

I steered the wheel to the left and went inside the hospital's gate, on my way to the other end a ducati near the hospital's doors was parked.

_A ducati...a dark blue ducati..._

"Natsuki..." I said to myself. I had the urge to park and go inside the hospital, but on the other side... "Maybe It was owned by someone else..." I shook my head and proceeded to my driving. _'I'm just fooling myself...__'_

It was already 9:30 when I got back home, I wasted no time to take a shower and relieve myself on today's happenings. "Why is that...I was loving someone who was not there to love me back?"

That one-sided love...

I should be hating her...

I should be hating Natsuki...

but...

_'Why does my feelings can't hate her even If I force myself?'_

_

* * *

_

I tapped my foot continuously as I anxiously wait for the nurse's report. _'why is this taking so long?'_. I decided to stand up and fix myself, glancing on my wrist watch, it indicated 8:40 pm. _'For sure Shizuru had left for home...'_ I mentally thought.

A group of nurses came to me and bowed their head which I gave back in return, with that, a nurse on the middle started our conversation.

"Good Evening miss, may I ask what is your relationship the patient with an afro hair?". I scratched the back of my head and answered, "I am his...his friend, ma'am, could I ask what was his status this time?"

"The purplish spots and other points indicates he had suffered from major beating...a strong impact to his ribs had caused them to be cracked.. We advice him to stay, since staying here for a few days of rest is really necessary for close observation. After a week or two, he can go back to his job again."

_'who did this to him?!'_ anger was a little aroused as I hear the nurse's information, but I need to control myself, so I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. "I see... Can I visit him?"

"Ofcourse, we will lead the way." I smiled her back in return, which caused her cheeks to change in tinge of pink.

Sliding the green curtains away, Sakomizu was conscious but still lying on the bed, as if waiting for someone to pay a visit, he tried to rise up when he saw me, but the medical assistants had stopped him, and instead pulled at rolled something under the bed which made the half of it bend upwards, to have a better view to whom was speaking.

"Hey, there, feeling better?" I asked, he nodded as an answer and he continued.. "As I told you last time...Natsuki, Reito-san is just using you..." he murmured.

I twitched a brow at him. "What?" I walked closer to him and gathered a chair, I sat back next to his side and asked again. "What do you mean?"

The nurses bid their goodbyes, before he answered my question, after that, we both paid back attention to the topic we were talking about. "These bruises. They came from Reito.." A tear fell to his eye. "I know I had the percentage of dying at this rate, so I won't hide everything, and I decided to help you along the way..."

"Sakomizu..." I trailed. "Why?"

"Reito-san loves Shizuru-san...and he is using you to impress and court her, just this afternoon, he was serenading her and almost kissed the beauty, I was going to leave but she stopped me and said that there was nothing happening between him and her. What she waited was your envelope.."

_'Too much happenings...then and there...'_ I shook my head and decided to listen to everything before saying something."The bruises...how did you get those from Reito?"

"He had beaten me for interfering his performance on the office meeting table...Please Natsuki, this is the time..."

_'I know..._'

* * *

**Morning After...**

Not having enough rest, I stood up and took a shower, _'why can't I be the one?'_

_"You're good..."_

"I'm great...not.. not good." I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists as the water pours down to my body. "Next week will be your downfall..I swear.. even if that means to kill you.." I closed my eyes and calmed down. _'No one could ever refuse Reito Kanzaki..'_

After a long shower, I dressed up into my office uniform and gathered my things. I arrived at the studio after an hour, stopping at the receptionist, I ordered them not to let any civilian pass inside without any permission.

"Only employees are allowed to enter, understood?" I plastered my dashing smile, which caused the receptionist to blush. "Thank you, dear." then I started to walk to our office, and act like the ordinary times, fix paper works, and organize Shizuru's concert. I called my chosen workers and board members to initiate the planning and the program.

"Uhm, Kanzaki-san, what else you wanted to add?"

"Please Tate, if you don't mind, I wanted to have a special number dedicated for Shizuru.."

"Oh...Are you sure with that?"

"Yes, Don't tell her but..I'm going to propose that day, atleast many fans could witness the happening." I saw him sweatdropped, then he nodded."Alright, since it's all fixed, it's just Shizuru-san we need."

I dismissed the meeting, and went to my table, I looked at the calendar. "8 days to go.." I said to myself.

* * *

I arrived late at the studio for the second time, not knowing what to do. _'A facade is always handy, but how long?'_ passing through the guards, for the first time they stopped me on their check point and asked to have my windows down. "Oh, Shizuru-san I see have a nice day...Boys,Let her pass." I beamed my usual smile at him and asked. "Ara, you're all strict today, why is it?" the guard scratched his neck and answered. "Reito-san ordered this, since civilians from now on cannot pass, except those who had permissions to come in."

"What for?" I replied.

"Gomen~ ne, Shizuru-san. I don't know what to answer for that." an apologetic smile was placed on his face.

"I see.." I waved my hands. "Ookini." Then I came into the building and closed the windows. _'so strict this times Reito..'_

I went inside our office and greeted my co-employees as the usual, as if nothing happened yesterday, I placed my bag on my table and sat on my chair. I hummed my latest song while scanning the papers I need to file. "Too much papers for the concert...I hope this will be successful." I said to myself.

"Shizuru-san!" yelled Tate as he came towards me.

"Yuuichi-san is so early this morning." I greeted.

"Haha, well, just want to say, that, Reito-san had formally stopped the making of compositions for you. Since you already had much, he said."

I stood up, and was mentally shocked. "Ara,ara, Yuuichi-san should not joke around like that."

"I am not. Shizuru-san," he rubbed his forehead and placed his other hand at his waist "I defended some things about that, I have noticed you're happy after all, but then, please don't tell him that I told you this." he came close and whispered. "_ I might get fired if I still continue defending you on this, other than that, he calls your composer a poor musician..Sorry about this..." _then he stepped back and went to his former standing position. "I hope you understood Shizuru-san...I'm just trying to help."

These words mentally fueled my arousing anger..although I kept my facade in its perfect place. _'these things were getting on with my nerves...' _I pat Tate's shoulder and continued smiling. "You did help, Yuuichi-san..Ookini for your informations, secrets are sealed in here." I answered. "Though to tell you actually, Im quite disappointed about this.."

"So sorry...Shizuru-san." he said again.

"It's alright. Now, you can go back to your works again, Ookini."

"Okay." then he ran back to his own table.

Scanning my eyes around the office, I saw Reito staring at me, from his office, he waved while smiling. I smiled back and waved in return, then I got back to my files. I turned on my iPod and listened to my songs. "So, these songs were final..Dylan.." A heavy sigh came out to me because of frustration.. "I never had a chance to talk with you."

_Why is it..._

_I had always my never-ending walls.._

_why is it?  
_

_

* * *

_

"Dammit!! Argh!" I shouted to my limit as I clench my fists and beat the wall, which was rather pointless to do. "How could I reach her when things are going in this way? Reito, why is it??"

_'Please Natsuki...this is the time..'_

"Geez I know! just wait a minute brain! think of something!" I sat back on the couch and think of some ways to do, I haven't slept since yesterday, and different things were bugging me. I looked at my wrist watch that indicates 12:30 pm. _'you sure are fast..'_

I walked towards my cabinet and grabbed clothes, I pulled a black tank top and pants. "tell me.. This will be a success right?" sudden possibilities rushed as I look at my garments.

_'She'll hate me for being this I guess?'_

_'Reito atleast has been there for Shizuru most of the time..'_

_'He saw her pain...unlike me..'_

"I'll make up everything.. EVERYTHING!" emphasizing the last word I said, I rushed into the bathroom and get prepared for my revelation.

_'Things aren't good..but I'll do everything to get you back.'_

**4 hours ago..**

I revved my engine as I mounted on my bike, having my guitar at my back, I prepared my materials for my confession, I drift my engine as fast as I can, I twist roads to make shortcuts. After a few turns, I arrived meters away from the studio. "So.. This is it." I said to myself. I dismounted my bike and walked towards the gate, without a flash I was blocked by guards on the studio, as if they're going to bite me if I enter. "Err...excuse me?" I talked.

"Civilians aren't allowed miss.." Their chief talked, walking closely towards me. "The boss told us to do so..sorry." then he smiled.

"B-but, can't I talk to Shizuru Fujino?"

"What is your relation with Fujino-san?"

"I-I am her close friend."_ 'close friend??? Damn mouth..wrong word.'_

"Such a story-maker, you're a fan, right? sorry. OFF Limits." the guards started to shoo me off.

"N-no I'm not! I'm telling you the truth, she knows me! just tell her that Natsuki Kuga is here!" i demanded.

"Na-Natsuki K-Kuga??"

"YES! Tell her NOW!"

"Stop Kidding alright?" the bouncers from the entrance gates came forward to forcefully drag me off, but I stopped them by waving one hand.

"Wait a sec. mister guards!!" and so they stopped, I continued.

"Just ask her to come down, even though she's not going to go outside that gate, call her atleast.. please?"

Looking convinced, the chief ordered to lower down the arms of the bouncers and asked someone to call the attention of Shizuru.

"Alright young lady.. If you are to break your own rule. Your bones will be the payment. Agree?"

"Oh..agree. just let me do this also." I stood up infront of the gates and turn on my amplifier, tune in my guitar and turn on my lapel microphone.

**"ERM...*cough* Excuse me guys. Excuse me, those who were having ther free time, not doing anything, come here for a minute!" **people swarmed infront of the gates as I announce such thing, looking at my so called 'audiences' I continued. **"I was just wondering if you could just cheer me as I perform for a certain someone? well..I am to sing a song I made especially for that person. could you..please?"**

"Who are you anyways???" a man from the crowd asked.

**"I'm often called as Dylan. So call me that. Telling my real name will ruin all. do you always listen to the radio?" **I asked them back, which they answered as nod. **"Well, I am Dylan, the popstar's secret composer."**

all were speechless. not moving. not even breathing. as if they were looking for a proof.

"You are Dylan??? such a cute composer!!! *squeals " as a random girl say her words, the crowd came after, now squealing._ 'I never thought they'll just do that, without a second thought??? no wonder why..'_ I said to myself..

The crowd stopped as they heard the main doors at the studio open. Revealing a certain brunette. the woman I had always hid for, the one I had always loved. _'Shizuru..'_

* * *

I stopped dead on my track as my eyes reached a figure of a certain person._ 'Midnight hair.. rebel look.. and emerald eyes, Natsuki?' _"Ara..Nat-Natsuki?"

The cheering of crowds grew louder as she started to strum the guitar precisely, without breaking an eye contact with me. The guards started to guard the studio and the chief was somewhat stunned to what she was doing.. "Is this for real?" I asked to no one. walking closer...stepping down the stairs, stopping at the mid-way where I could actually see Natsuki. "W-why? why?" I asked again.

She beamed a smile and talked.** "I was wondering If I could just have a talk with you, do you like the compositions?"**

"The...compo..sitions?" I trailed.._' is Dylan?" _

**"yes. Sorry for lying.." **

We were separated by a big steel gate..yet the feeling she's giving..this feeling, is much more stronger than the combination of metals and any other shields.

"Nat...Natsuki!" I shouted through my limits.

**"Shizuru..Listen.."** She answered, wearing her genuine smile, she decided to start her song.

**A strangled smile fell from your face  
It kills me that I hurt you this way  
The worst part is that I didn't even know  
Now there's a million reasons for you to go  
But if you can find a reason to stay**

She stepped closer to the steel gate, making her just few inches apart from the metal. I didn't bother what the crowd was doing. I was in daze, of her words.. of her voice.

**I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know what's at stake  
I know that I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
Believe that I can change  
I'll keep us together whatever it takes**

"Ara..you're making me speechless Natsuki~.." Unknown tears started to roll down on my face, I'm crying, why? I started to sob a few times, trying to recover as soon as possible.

**She said "If we're gonna make this work  
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts  
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"  
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be  
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"**

I stepped closer to the gates that separates us, the guards were to stop me, but I know they won't, especially this time.. _'I can't recover..why is that?' _She strummed stronger again..

**I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know what's at stake  
I know that I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
And give me a break****I'll keep us together,**

**I know you deserve much better  
But remember the time I told you the way that I felt  
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself  
Let's hold onto each other above everything else  
Start over, start over**

My hands gripped on bars as she sang her song..then and there, I started to sing with her, trailing the words and the lyrics I learned in no time..

**I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know what's at stake  
I know I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
and believe that I can change  
I'll keep us together whatever it takes**

Natsuki removed her lapel and started to talk. "Shizuru, Sorry." she stepped closer to the gates, she was stepping closer to me. "Natsuki..I missed you.." I sobbed, it stopped until her warm hands reached for my face then brushed my tears away. "No more crying, Shizuru, please.."

I nodded as an answer.. without a second thought she held my hand gently as if it's fragile. "Ara, Natsuki, hold my hands tighter.. you're holding it as if you could disappear in no time.." I stated.

"I could disappear anytime.." she replied. "But not, as long as I haven't told you everything.." she gripped my hands tighter. but still gentle.

"What do you mean? I miss you so much Natsuki."

"And so do I.. I just.. just wanted to say..I have-" she was about to say something when the entrance doors open, revealing Reito, who was walking in a gentle man manner. _'Not now.. Reito.. why now??'_ "Ara..are we spoiled?".

"Indeed Shizuru, dear."

"Damn you then, Kanzaki."

* * *

*Toink!

Sorry for that.. err, A little cliff hanger to for you.

I hope you loved this chap.

BTW.. There was some kind of error in here, that's why I updated so late.

I hate you smartbro.

**FORGIVE ME! .**

I didn't meant to update this **LATE**!! sorry! sorry!

For questions, just post it in, I'll answer you via message. Or, just wait for the next update..I'll have free time for 3 days. Yay!

For the song used in this chap:

**Whatever It Takes **- Lifehouse

Thank you very much!!!

Thank you!!

*Until the next chap guys. =3

_

* * *

_

* * *


	5. Like Romeo and Juliet?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mai HiME/ Mai Otome neither it's characters! They were owned by Sunrise! XD**

**A/N: GOMENASAI~ TuT I'm very very very happy to know that a lot from Mai-Hime ff readers are waiting for this story even if I have updated this one 2 or 3 years ago, which I guess is a very long period. This was considered to be a story left by a very lousy author who lacked imagination skills, but then hontouni arigatoo~ for the reviews and comments I received in my stories. Here's the update tananananan! I know it's quite short for a 3 year comeback but don't worry, I'll be updating more from now on. Anyway too much for this! Ask me and curse me it's okay, I want that! Haha I love you so much guys!**

**ENJOY!**

Chapter 5

'_**Simple actions…Love and Hate'**_

"Damn you then, Kanzaki."

Just as I was able to reveal myself to Shizuru, now goes this real cliff hanger. _'I have so much to say, so many things to clear..Why?' _I eyed him as he walked closer to the commotion. His toothy smile plastered again into his face,

"Oh, what do we have in here Ms. Kuga Natsuki? I believe we are in a strict compliance of an order, that we do not allow such visitors by this rate?" His one arm snaked in Shizuru's waist as some paparazzi went out from their caves to cover this one hell of an issue, he knows media very well. "Shizuru's going to have her debut concert 8 days from now."

Shizuru moved a bit and removed his arm in a graceful manner; she's been very good in putting up her façade. "I believe we have not agreed such terms yet Reito-kun, and before everything.. can I not see my Natsuki just this once without any of your hindrances?" her bewitching smile covered her venomous yet sweet tone, I heard her owning me again. _'Yes, I'm yours Shizuru..' _I looked into those crimson orbs that loved me so much. "Shizuru.." I murmured.

"Kyaaa! I remember her, Shizuru-san mentioned her in the radio!" a random audience spilled as the crowd cheered in delight in this ambush revelation I did. _'What the hell am I thinking anyway?!'_ I exclaimed to myself. The guards started to build a human barricade in order to maintain the parameters of the crowd in the gate, luckily I got myself a breathing space to this idiotic plan I made. _I was in a hurry, I was scared, too scared to be left by Shizuru.._

'_When are things going to be with us, Natsuki?' _My heart aches in the sight of my love on the other side of this steel gate. "Can I go outside?"

"Well, you know how famous you are now Shizuru, going there will barge many audiences and issues about your status." Reito defended. "Since you've seen her already, you can settle things maybe next time? It will be harder to explain if we lingered here longer." His smile crept on his face, _'I hate the way he enjoys the feeling like I'm his.'_

I saw her emerald orbs once again, her stare has so much to say, my feet wanted to walk closer but I know I shouldn't until I heard her voice. "You've been more beautiful Shizuru, I guess this is the result of my cowardice ne?" She added a bit of laughter to cover her pain, her eyes were longing for me, a feeling I can't understand. "Why Natsuki? Why?"

"Sir, the crowd is getting bigger!"

"Shizuru, we can't hang outside go in. Let Natsuki be." Reito ordered, he's still my manager and I know I'm already far from the normal life I once had. "Natsuki, Shizuru has changed she's not just the person you've known, she's a singer already. You should have asked permission first." He added.

"I-I know.. Sorry. Shizuru, you're hard to reach now. I—I hope you like my compositions, I should be get going. I—am making a nuisance anyway." My Natsuki inched herself little by little against the gate, I feel a string getting thinner inside me. _'She's leaving..again.'_

* * *

"My, My, I guess it can't be helped." Reito walked near the gates where he was met by some paparazzi from different networks and ambush questions. Natsuki froze on her spot while Shizuru inched away from the gates to prevent crowds to push through. They were looking each other as if communicating their hearts out.

'_I thought this is the right time.'_

'_I thought this will go right.'_

"Excuse us for an unexpected commotion, in here we are just to announce that 8 days from now we will be launching Shizuru-san's debut concert, I expect everyone especially her fans would be there for she will be having her big night as an artist. For now we shall not be entertaining some questions regarding this incident, and please keep in mind the artist's decision." Reito finally announced his beloved project without any hesitations or even hearing Shizuru's point. _'I cannot let you just like that Natsuki, I'll get Shizuru no matter what.'_

"R-Reito-kun!"

"We are in a busy preparation for this Natsuki-san, I hope you're not the one who'll meddle this big day." He added.

'_I cannot let him do that! Damn you Kanzaki, thank me for having good manners in public, I should have killed you in this point of time!' _ Natsuki thought as her eyes stared Kanzaki's. "Tsk. You…" She murmured as Reito flashed his smile as a symbol of victory.

Shizuru was stuck in the middle. _'Ara, Concert? Natsuki? What is happening?'_

A thought flashed from both crimson and emerald eyes.

"Then being Shizuru's _former_ composer why not let me join in her debut concert?" Natsuki asked, emphasizing 'former' in her question, letting him feel that she knows what he did not want her to know. Her tone became serious and bold, _'I can't play like you do in this media shit but I can't let Shizuru go, Not now. Never.'_

A smile curved in the Brunette's lips. _'I get it.. Don't let me go Natsuki.' _

"Ara, why not Reito-kun? She is my composer anyway, I mean _was._ Other than that the crowd seem to like her too, isn't that good for your managing stats?" She defended. "If you will let her walk away I think you're not going to have a good feedback."

Both eyes were sparkling in bliss as they reach each other's sight.

Reito inwardly gritted his teeth in annoyance, Shizuru knows well how he manages his career and he knows Natsuki's offer would bring more audience and income from this proposal. Natsuki on the other hand smirked at the sight of Reito's sudden reaction. "What do you think, Kanzaki?" She asked again.

"There's so much scoop in here!"

"Why not! We'll wait for her in the concert!"

"Shizuru-sama we're getting excited!"

The crowd seem to agree in the situation which lighten up Natsuki and Shizuru but tensed up Reito. _'If I agree then Natsuki will be a part of the preparation, if not I will lose my name.. tsk.. Nevertheless, I won't let you win her.'_

"Well then," Reito finally spoke. "This Shizuru-san's concert will give more surprises for her undying supporters and audience, especially if we'll have more mystery performers. Natsuki get inside." His decision surprised both women as he ordered the guards to let the ex-composer enter the building, first Natsuki was hesitant to his decision but then instincts gave in. So much happiness filled both hearts but unknown to them Reito has his own plan of getting the brunette out of Natsuki. _'Just enjoy the time you have with her Natsuki.. That won't last long..'_

* * *

"Shizuru.." The blunette's face is now covered with a tinge of pink. After being away from her for a long time, how would she manage to explain things frorm the very start? "Natsuki." The voice of her angel called her. They were sitting on both sides of the sofa inside their office, the atmosphere is sure dense.

"Uhm-ano.. I..I want to say" her sentence was cut off by a pleading voice.

"Natsuki, why?" Shizuru's voice stirred with mixed emotions, her question embodied everything she wanted to know, but Natsuki being so weak at heart couldn't figure out how or where to start.

"My- my thoughts are filled with so much words I-I could not arrange at all.." the cobalt-haired woman mumbled, looking into those red pools from the brunette she continued. "But when I left you that day.. Was the day I that my life started to become worse, I guess?" she covered her sentence with a small chuckle.

"I-I regret it, that even now I do not have the guts t-to tell so many things. I-I'm sorry for leaving you Shizuru.. I'm very sorry." Her hands fidgeted in her clothes as her eyes draw their attention to them. _'Talk more. Talk more Natsuki!'_ she mentally scowled.

Shizuru removed her façade and slowly curved her lips into a smile, she did not know if she'll follow her heart's desire to hug her and touch her once more or to lay low her feelings and try to see if the blunette's heart agrees to what she also feels. "Ara, I'm very happy Natsuki.. very happy to know you're behind me even in my success.. but" her hands slowly touched the fidgeting ones_. _

_'I have to see if you really came back for me Natsuki. Not just because you're getting killed by your guilt. But because we don't have anything to wait for…' _she mentally thought.

"But, are you sure this is what you want to happen?" the brunette continued. "It's been a long time since we've seen each other, and now the surprise you gave just made me skip a beat. I missed you so much." Her tone became low and sweet. Natsuki on the other hand blushed at the few words from her, she missed Shizuru so much that she couldn't even wait for tomorrow to confess that she was Dylan.

"I-I am too Shizuru. I missed this kind of you.." she answered, her hands moved to top the brunette's comforting touch and played with her fingers, Shizuru was surprised at her cute actions, it was the first time she did that to her ever since. She blushed slightly at the moment until she heard the blunette continued. "These fingers are so soft, now I'm thinking how long we have been apart for me to realize that these features now belong to the singer I always loved to hear?" She ended her sentence with a slight smile.

"Natsuki…I- I became a singer because.."

*RIIIINNNNG* It was already 12pm, a signal for their lunch break. Yet she continued.

"Because of y-" everything stopped for a moment when they saw Reito coming in, Natsuki broke the hold in their hands and moved to their original position. _'Ara, ara, why can't we have this precious time.' _ She thought as she sighed heavily at the man's sudden break-in, she used her façade again to play with his tactics. Both of them know that they cannot settle their things in public, as well in the office of the studio. They need privacy, and Reito is not going to give them any.

"Sorry to interrupt, but here we have a lunch feast and the brainstorming to start off." He signalled his team to go inside the meeting room together with Shizuru and Natsuki. Shizuru leaned closer to Natsuki's ear as they stand up and walk. "Everything's going to be fine, my Na- tsu- ki." She whispered, earning a deep blush from the other woman. "B-baka Shizuru!" she mumbled.

'_Maybe this is the start.'_ The crimson pools brightened as she thought of having Natsuki again. But unknown to her this is just the start of another hardship they will encounter. Harder than what she thinks it will be.

* * *

_**1:30pm**_

"So this will be covered the stage managers, the production team will be in charge in budget handling and purchases. Contact our designers and props men, and oh, might I add the make-up artists." Reito explained everything listed for the rush release of Shizuru's big slam concert. His team jotted down notes according to their respective assignments, 8 days away from the date is sure a very unlikely for a preparation period. _'If only you didn't know Natsuki, I would have prepared better.'_

"Shizuru, as of now, you should prepare for the list of your songs to showcase and rehearse it till your debut." Reito smiled as he ordered the brunette which was replied by an amused answer. "Ara, ara, ofcourse Reito-kun, now that my Natsuki is here, it is something I have to prepare so much." Every one seem to smile at her statement, her aura is somewhat different from before. Reito has to fix his calm composure as he smiled at her. '_Why now, Natsuki!'_

"Well, if you don't mind, what can I do to help?" Natsuki popped a question, although she knows there are some things needed to be settled between her and Reito. "You didn't tell me I will not be the one to compose for her anyway."

Reito, feeling red-handed on the sudden words from Natsuki coughed to avert awkwardness and smiled. "Well, why not perform for the audience? It's something we have seen already outside, so doing that would catch more listeners, what do you think?"

some of his team members nodded on his suggestion, and Natsuki couldn't decline since Shizuru even got more excited to see her sing again. "I just did that for personal purposes you know." She answered.

"Ara it would be still personal if you did it for me, or is it not?" Shizuru chuckled as she answered her by another question. The atmosphere in the room has already lightened up since they have begun storming and Shizuru was in her perfect mood to have fun. But so much for Reito, he was feeling awkward by the thoughts that the composer could have stormed in this office because she knew his dirty tricks and would be spilling it over to ruin his plan. _'I have to counter what you have in mind Natsuki.'_

It was already 5:00pm when the brainstorming and full planning for the Shizuru's big day ended, everyone involved in her concert was almost drained due to heightened pressures from the planning and they very well know that they would be like this for 8 days until the big concert rocks out the audiences, but of course being a part of the media world they would have to endure this to succeed, it's their job to make it perfect.

"Well, we all have an hour to rest before our souls start to defy graves again!" Tate exclaimed as he slouched himself in the sofa, which was also done by the other members, some of them were lying their heads on the table while the some were enjoying their coffee, surely their minds were in running different thoughts. Until one of them spoke, "Shizuru-san has changed a bit, she's better than before."

"Yeah, I observed that one. Well, who wouldn't when you actually saw the one you just mentioned on the radio. Perhaps, she was Shizuru's precious person." An answer supported the statement.

"Well, we can't blame her for that, she saw her composer already, and I guess more than that." Tate smiled as he closed his eyes. "I wonder what it feels like."

"Tate-kun" a voice coming from the jet black-haired man called him. "Reito-san"

"Come here for a second." He ordered. Tate stood up to walk inside Reito's office.

After a few minutes of discussion, he walked outside his office with an astonished looked, but he made sure not to let anyone see it.

"This is bad…" He mumbled to himself.

* * *

Natsuki and Shizuru got the chance to talk once again; they were sitting near the coffee table while having their refreshments. Their hands both played with the cans they hold.

"Natsuki?"

"Hm?"

"What do you have in mind after doing what you did earlier?"

"Actually," Natsuki shyly scratched her cheek. "I-I haven't thought about that. Haha. Not yet, All I wanted was to see you anyway."

Shizuru chuckled in response; her eyes seem to glow much more than ever as well the owner of the emerald ones. "Ara, I thought we're going to run away. Then move to a place where no one knows us."

"Oh, what do we have in here, more like Romeo and Juliet?" Natsuki laughed a little at the thought of Shizuru's statement. "If life is that easy for us, we would have eloped earlier if you want."

"It's just you who am I waiting for, Natsuki.." Shizuru finally confessed, a slight blush crept on to her face and the blunette is aware of it. _'Oh, Cute.'_

But then, Natsuki not yet overcoming her self-restrictions, was dumbfounded. "Oh.." was all she could mutter.

And there was silence between the two of them, an intimate silence that made them secured just with the presence of each other.

"Shizuru, it's time for your photo shoot!" a voice coming from the studio called their attention, and there was the start of another work before going home.

* * *

_**7:00pm**_

"Move your head a bit!" the photographer in charge for publications tilted his camera in different angles as he snaps Shizuru's pose from different points. "Get the reflector, there." Everybody has their own job in producing this concert.

Shizuru is having her high fashion shoot, she was wearing her violet yukata with a surreal cut; she was surrounded by cherry petals, some of it were tossed according to their cue to create a scene. Some of her pictures were portrait displaying a warm smile and a very playful aura. She is enjoying the feeling that Natsuki is there looking at her a little flushed. _'She's enjoying what she sees.'_ A playful thought had struck her as her eyes met with the green ones who was seated near the photographer.

Meanwhile, Natsuki is having her own battle of thoughts. _'Really, why do you have to look at me like that, it feels like I'm being seduced.' _As her eyes met with the red ones she did her counter attack, she winked at Shizuru and her sudden display of sweet nothing earned a slight blush from the brunette, surely it can't be seen because of the make-up and the natural blush made by the artist, but it became observable in the sudden consciousness of actions by Shizuru.

"Mou~ Natsuki! Ikezu!" the singer has been conscious to the blunette's charm, Natsuki stuck her tongue out, gesturing she won the battle then both laughed. The photographer on the other hand did not waste time capturing such moments and expressions made by the model;

he looked at Natsuki and said "Good thing you're here, it's easier to get her natural moments!" then he continued shooting.

"We can now call it a day! Everything's going to get tougher as day pass so make sure to rest well!" Reito announced as the whole team clapped their hands and went to pack their things to go home, he walked along the office to look for a certain brunette, and to his dismay she was of course being with Natsuki, they were not talking but being together is something worthwhile for them.

"Shizuru, I know this is sudden, but, can I escort you on your way home?" he asked as the two women stood up as if they were also about to leave.

"Ara, Reito-kun this is just the time that-" the brunette was cut off by the midnight haired beauty.

"I'll be accompanying her on her way home." Natsuki plainly stated with a serious tone. "It's been a long time that you have been with her anyway, long enough to know what you want for yourself." She continued. _'We have things to settle, I'll let this pass till Shizuru's debut concert.'_

Reito was taken aback by the words coming from the blunette, he inwardly controlled his irritation and acted as if it's nothing. "Very well, Natsuki-san. Take care of her, take care of yourself too, it's _very_ dangerous in the evening." He waved his hand to bid his goodbye and winked to Shizuru. "Sweet dreams Shizuru." Then he left the room. _'Take good care of yourself Kuga, we're just starting.'_

* * *

"Shall we, your Highness?" Natsuki joked receiving a quick pinch on her nose from the brunette "Hey!" she muttered as she tried to avoid another pinch from her. The two had a little play time of pinches and pokes before Shizuru finally spoke.

"Natsuki is just so playful! Let's go home. We have so many things to catch up."

"Ara, but Shizuru's very very ikezu~!" Natsuki mimicked Shizuru's accent but failed to, in return the singer kissed the blunette's cheek near the side of her lips, the kiss was very near and Natsuki fired up in return.

"Ara, what happened Natsuki? Don't tell me you got yourself whipped all of a sudden?" Shizuru replied her by mimicking how the blunette speaks. "Argh! Shizuru!" she gently growled.

The two finally left the office, Natsuki packed her mini amplifier and guitar and secured it at the back of her Ducati and gave her helmet to Shizuru. "Put this on, I never expected this time so I didn't bring a spare."

"Ookini, Na-tsu-ki!" Shizuru chuckled as she wore her composer's helmet. _'Smells very Natsuki, relaxing…'_ she thought.

"Okay, are we good?" Natsuki double-checked if everything is in place. "Oh, put your hand here." She held the brunette's hands and positioned it around her waist. "Roger, captain!" the crimson-eyed woman replied. "Of course I know where to put it, even though it's been a year."

She whispered in Natsuki's ear. "Drive me home, _Dylan."_ Her voice echoed through the biker's ear, it was sensual and too seductive for the blunette, she felt herself stiffened at their moment but shook her head away from naughty thoughts. _'This is going to be a long night.'_ She mentally said and revved the engine of her Ducati, this night will not finish without any closure between them.

* * *

Oh, what do you have in mind? Hahaha :D

Why did I updated so late? XD

Well, I don't know what would be your reaction, so.. stay tuned! ;)

I did not use any music here, but I'll use many on the following chaps.

Please review! ;D


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